Lately things have just been really sucking, i have been soo miserable and i couldnt really tell you why if you asked me. Its just a big bunch of stuff that has been making me upset lately. I told joe that i missed him last night (big mistake) led to a big fight and even more harsh words were said and just like before we still arent talking for worse reasons. I really wish that the friendship we had just never happened, that would make everything allot easier. Bryan has just been really not understanding at all lately, and we are supposed to go to florida in the begining of april and im thinking of breaking up with him just so he doesnt go to florida with us. I really dont want him to go sense he is being a huge dick and not a good boyfriend. On a happier note, Ben Robinson sent me a letter from the Army and on it was a patch from his platoon hat and it made me happy. He is actually a guy that writes good letters, he draws pictures on the letters and everything, i wrote him like a two page letter back, i went to OCC for what? like a semester? and i made such a great friend and now we are pen pals 
that is somthing that actually has made me happy. There seriously havent been many lately, i thought house sitting with bryan would make us happier and help us with alot and it just made me more angry at him, i dont know if it made him more angry with me but it made me upset and regreting the whole house sitting together thing. I was thinking last night about how i really miss college, about how there was always somthing to do, even though sometimes it felt like there was nothing to do, there was always somthing. Especially on the weekends, i love to go out with all my girl friends, actually the getting ready before going out was my favorite part. I really miss all my friends, angela, kd, kelly, sara, natalee, jeremy, justin, ian, franklin, marco, just all my buddies, i really really really miss them. I thought i needed to stay home from college for a while to save money but so far my car has been costing me soo much money that i havent saved any money at all. I am just all sorts of confused at what to do about anything, i want summer to come, i want all my friends to come home, i miss some of the way things used to be. I was going to go to church today but i woke up late and going to church isnt as easy as it looks. Every time i go now i feel like everyone is staring at me ( in a bad way) like before i didnt mind people looking at me because i was actually happy. But now when people look at me i dont want them to. I just miss everything that i had before, i was alot happier when going to church, or when going to school, and actually knowing what i was going to do.
lately nothing i do ever seems to please you
and maybe turning my back would be that much easier
cause hurtful words are all that we exchange
but i can’t watch you walk away
can i forget about the way it feels to touch you?
and all about the good times that we’ve been through
could i wake up without you every day?
would i let you walk away?
no, i can’t learn to live without
and i can’t give up on us now
(chorus)
oh, i know i could say were through
and tell myself i’m over you
but even if i made a vow
i promise not to miss you now
and try to hide the truth inside
i fell cause i, i just can’t live a lie
could i forget the look that tells me that you want me?
and all the reasons that make loving you so easy
the kiss that always makes it hard to breathe
the way you know just what i mean
no, i can’t learn to live without
ohh, so don’t you give up on us now
ohh, i know i could say were through
and tell myself i’m over you
but even if i made a vow
i promise not to miss you now
and try to hide the truth inside
i fell cause i, i just can’t live a lie
ohh, and i don’t wanna try ©
but im still happy ( and rubbing it in) that i have a very smart and sweet boyfriend…sometimes 
