March 5, 2007

 These are some pictures i took of our hotel room at the Inn we stayed at in Skinneatles (Sherwood Inn), its kind of like the Brewster but not (the brewster is in caz), and the pictures dont do justice at all and then i took a picture of me (notice my neclace) he bought that for me this weekend i was soo happy it was just so nice to get away for the weekend because there has been soo much going on lately i really needed a breather, i didnt want to come back at all because it was just so relaxing, we ate alot of snacks in bed and went out to eat at a pizza place and we ordered chinese food the first night so we didnt spend so much money eating at the inn because its an inn and a restaurant in one and to eat there it would be extreemly expensive sense we were staying there also. It was amazing because we didnt hear any noise upstairs but there was deffinatly alot going on downstairs. All in all i had a blast of a weekend and i hope bryan did too, it was mostly because we spent the whole weekend loving and not fighting, that made a HUGE difference.

living-room.jpg

bedroom.jpg

jet-tub.jpg

lake.jpg (me and bryan standing on the frozen lake)

this is what we live for, the happy moments March 2, 2007

so even tho me and bryan get extreemly pissed at each other and want to shoot each other i really love him. I cant lie, i love all his little quirks and the way he’ll try to bite my nose, or how he cant give a good back massage and how he sleeps with a pillow right next to him when im not there. I love how he never ties his shoe’s and just always wants to help people. I love how he is so easy going (sometimes) and lets me choose where we should go to eat. I love how patient he is with me when i am pmsy, and i love how he cant keep his hands off of me in public, and especially when another guy checks me out. I love how i think about him all the time and how he smells, i love how when i think about the good times i have with him i still get butterflys in my stomach. I love how he swears up and down that he hates my rats but then i see him sneaking in my room to give them a cheerio, and i love how he still pretends to be excited even if he doesnt like what we are doing. I love how he’s nothing like his brother, i love how he still says im beautiful even tho we both know i look like shit. I love his morning breath (no im serious) i love how when we wake up in the morning i dont even care i just say “KISS ME!” i love how he acts like a big baby, and how he thinks he’s not photogenic and i love how much i love him

I like the feel of your name on my lips
And I like the sound of your sweet gentle kiss
The way that your fingers run through my hair
And how your scent lingers even when your not there

And I like the way your eyes dance when you laugh
And how you enjoy your two hour bath
And how you convinced me to dance in the rain
With everyone watching like we were insane

But I love the way you love me
Strong and wild
Slow and easy
Heart and soul
So completely
I love the way you love me

And I could list a million things
I love to like about you
But they all come down to one reason
I could never live without you

I love the way you love me
Strong and wild
Slow and easy
Heart and soul
So completely
I love the way you love me
Oh baby I love the way you love me

i promise not to miss you now. February 25, 2007

Lately things have just been really sucking, i have been soo miserable and i couldnt really tell you why if you asked me. Its just a big bunch of stuff that has been making me upset lately. I told joe that i missed him last night (big mistake) led to a big fight and even more harsh words were said and just like before we still arent talking for worse reasons. I really wish that the friendship we had just never happened, that would make everything allot easier. Bryan has just been really not understanding at all lately, and we are supposed to go to florida in the begining of april and im thinking of breaking up with him just so he doesnt go to florida with us. I really dont want him to go sense he is being a huge dick and not a good boyfriend. On a happier note, Ben Robinson sent me a letter from the Army and on it was a patch from his platoon hat and it made me happy. He is actually a guy that writes good letters, he draws pictures on the letters and everything, i wrote him like a two page letter back, i went to OCC for what? like a semester? and i made such a great friend and now we are pen pals that is somthing that actually has made me happy. There seriously havent been many lately, i thought house sitting with bryan would make us happier and help us with alot and it just made me more angry at him, i dont know if it made him more angry with me but it made me upset and regreting the whole house sitting together thing. I was thinking last night about how i really miss college, about how there was always somthing to do, even though sometimes it felt like there was nothing to do, there was always somthing. Especially on the weekends, i love to go out with all my girl friends, actually the getting ready before going out was my favorite part. I really miss all my  friends, angela, kd, kelly, sara, natalee, jeremy, justin, ian, franklin, marco, just all my buddies, i really really really miss them. I thought i needed to stay home from college for a while to save money but so far my car has been costing me soo much money that i havent saved any money at all. I am just all sorts of confused at what to do about anything, i want summer to come, i want all my friends to come home, i miss some of the way things used to be. I was going to go to church today but i woke up late and going to church isnt as easy as it looks. Every time i go now i feel like everyone is staring at me ( in a bad way) like before i didnt mind people looking at me because i was actually happy. But now when people look at me i dont want them to. I just miss everything that i had before, i was alot happier when going to church, or when going to school, and actually knowing what i was going to do.

lately nothing i do ever seems to please you
and maybe turning my back would be that much easier
cause hurtful words are all that we exchange
but i can’t watch you walk away

can i forget about the way it feels to touch you?
and all about the good times that we’ve been through
could i wake up without you every day?
would i let you walk away?

no, i can’t learn to live without
and i can’t give up on us now

(chorus)
oh, i know i could say were through
and tell myself i’m over you
but even if i made a vow
i promise not to miss you now
and try to hide the truth inside
i fell cause i, i just can’t live a lie

could i forget the look that tells me that you want me?
and all the reasons that make loving you so easy
the kiss that always makes it hard to breathe
the way you know just what i mean

no, i can’t learn to live without
ohh, so don’t you give up on us now

ohh, i know i could say were through
and tell myself i’m over you
but even if i made a vow
i promise not to miss you now
and try to hide the truth inside
i fell cause i, i just can’t live a lie

ohh, and i don’t wanna try ©

sitting on a house :-) February 16, 2007

so i am going away for 10 days to house sit, house watch, whatever. You know when you feed and water and take care of a house while people are gone or on vacation. I am doing it  for Bryans Aunt and Uncle and im bringing my rats, i have to be careful because they DO have a dog and a cat so i have to keep the door closed ALL the time :-X and im not sure about if ill have internet there so i am going to post one now and maybe if i have internet there i will post some and tell you how its going :-*

- Laura

Valintines week :-) February 13, 2007

Bryan called me yesterday and asked if i wear white gold. He’s so subtle huh? lol its the thought that counts. Boys arent really good at valintines in general anyways and it made me so happy that he thought of getting me a gift without me telling him that i even wanted to celebrate valintines day in the first place, but really. What girl doesnt want to celebrate valintines anyways? unless you are single and hate all boys, which is understandable because i have been that way too before. Dont worry girls im not bashing you but im still happy ( and rubbing it in) that i have a very smart and sweet boyfriend…sometimes Ill take a picture of both of our gifts that we got/made for each other and i will put them on here eventually. Once i charge up my camera

guys at parties are gay. guys in general are gay. ha. February 8, 2007

Actually not many guys are this bad. It is really hard to come across a good guy tho. No im serious. Even guys you know and hang out every day always find someway to ruin the time you spend with them by being guys. But girls cant just ignore guys, how the heck is our world supposed to continue without freaking guys in it. Its gay and i dont want to say this but, you kinda need em. sadly. :-X

Skinny time. February 7, 2007

i want to be skinny,

time for a YMCA membership…

enough said

like a dull pencil. January 30, 2007

Sometimes i think…

lost January 24, 2007

I really want to just sit here and vent tonight but im not really sure what i want to say. Just because i have so many things running through my head righ tnow. Me and Emily had a talk online tonight because emily has dated billy and i have dated bryan and they are both twins so we figured that we could help each other. I think it may work but we are gonna sleep on it and talk about it tomarrow. You see the problem is is that they always think that they are right. And when they start to think they are right they go to their father and he tells them that they are right whether they  are right or not and that doesnt help at all. His dad makes every girl out to be a wicked caniving little bitch and they say that he doesnt do that alot or do that purposely but they never ever apalogise so i take that as they alwayss think that they are doing is right because their dad never tells them that they are wrong. They dont know how to treat girls. Their mom (no exaggeration here) is a crazy psycho. So it makes it kinda obvious that their dad would hate relationships let alone his sons being in one.  His dad says that all women hate them working on cars and basically makes us look like these horrible people. When i tell bryan that i want to spend time with him instead of him working on his truck, his dad will say somthing like “all women are the same….they want you to stay out of the garage and dote on them” their dad really is nuts too now that im writing all of this down. I was just thinking that i want people to read this journal but i guess if you dont read this section because its too long that thats ok because i hate bitching, its just that sometimes i have to. I dont like bitching to bryan because he always says that im picking on him and i get nothing accomplished. I litterally get NOTHING accomplished, which isnt good because a HUGE thing in a relationship is communication and if you cant communicate, you might as well break it off because you wont work anything out. Every time me and bryan get into an arguement he will either tell me that im right to just not argue anymore (which doesnt help) OR he will run away to his dads for the weekend and not call me at all until one of us breaks. And if we ever break up he always calls me a week later to say he wants to go out to eat or he misses me or somthing. Which missing me is one thing, but needing me is another. Im ready to either be single and meet other people, or seriously get this boy figured out because i cant do this anymore. There are so many problems that i have with him its just that idk if i can confront him about them because it doesnt help, it seems to make it worse. Any thoughts? If you have any that would really help, i need advice because im literally stuck.

” If you do not give right attention to the one you love, it is a kind of killing. When you are in the car together, if you are lost in your thoughts, assuming you already know everything about her, she will slowly die.”
- Thich Nbat Hanb

My future January 23, 2007

You know what i love about my job? I love how whenever i leave i feel like i did somthing right. Every time im there with her she will laugh and giggle and ring bells to the music we play. Even reading books to her makes her happy. i always knew that i wanted to work with kids ever sense i went to poland. All the children there, and i barely did anything to make them like me.  They loved me for no reason, when i left there were so many tears and so many children saying that they wanted me to stay and be with them. They gave me cute little stuffed animals that were prolly the only ones that they had. I remember crying so badly that i felt sick because i knew that if i ever wanted to go back it would be forever away. Looking back it almost seems like a dream to me, a dream where you dont want to wake up. A dream where when you wake up you want to go back to sleep. I remember crying myself to sleep that night wishing that i could do that for the rest of my life, making a child who has never really felt loved in their life, feel loved. When you are changing the life of a child, you are changing our future as a human race. Thats what makes me happy, i used to wonder why teachers wanted to teach kids, but i get it now. If you want to know the future of our world, know its children, makes perfect sense to me. And thats exactly why i want to be a Occupational therapist/social worker.